me in big world

“Love do not comes so easily” I like this song..Me gusta mucho..i should say…I read about so many things I thinking about so many staff..Corazon is in my mind I would say..but amor? No..nada…Hm is something not ok with me if I do not think about love? If only I think about love is so simple feelings of being loved and have love from friends… I am so happy with myself that I had never been before..which to my surprise I didn’t excepted..In my life there were hundrets of people who I loved or love..Some of them left big prints in my heart by their feelings their thoughts or just because of simple being..I did never expect that there are different type of love…which I tried almost every…
MY first amigo let say “crashed” had been at primary school then appeared HE ..with his unbelievable smile and words..It was long play in cat and mouse..Sometimes I think that the love was only because for him it was not so easy to catch my feeling…but amazing night on talking..all day with chatting..I felt it is amzing coz we could spend 12 hours on talking..we ate together…dream together…had the same thoughts..the same wishes and 1 aim..meet and be forever..it couldn’t be reall..becasue all big love had bad end…he did not get visa to come for me to longer..mY god when Im thinking about it..OH it was 5 years ago!Nights of crying , talking decided to meet next time..However everyone of us had his own life..I had my exams..he had his own problems..Big silence…I though that it will be better..WE are the same..noone of us did FIRST step! I had to start new life..i had my problems I was so alone …I found that I forget about me for real when I descover fact I was really broke..i met another man..When I found out that HE has new girlfriend I decided to start new relationship with QBA…amazing person who showed me that Love can have different character ..that is amazing love someone who is 100% different then you who has different plans then you and want to love you more then anyone..i decided to be with Person who seems to be perfect partner for me..I couldn’t believe in my happiness…First year was amazing its like my first month in Spain.. discovering everything… BECAUSE it was my first Man who treat me like lady.. who has never give a fuck about what I want….who was perfect for me …I did not see word except HIM! It was passion …it was fucking cool! Next year with him was good .I always says about lost paradise..when you are alone on paradise and your enemy..you will start love you enemy after some time…MY Qbus wasn’t never my enemy..He was for me friend, brother, company, and teddy bear…However life without reason has no sense the same with love..love without sense is not good for both of people..MY first love after MY first BOY had flown away MY WORK AND MY DREAM started to be my first love but appear Qbus However love for him wasn’t enough strong to win with My dreams and plans for future…..I regret that I didn’t have enough love for him because he deserve it however In third year of our relationship I had enough ..and the thoughts of possible marriage make me sad because I knew that we should go different way…We were so different.. and when you are for long time with one person you are sure which things you do not like and which things will never except…I know what I need now..i must have person who I can admire who can impress me in something…Who always has own opinon but without criticize me…I like when someone teach me something new but this person should has hug good reputation in my eyes…this is what I should had…The man with worlds NO on his lips…. I must say that I miss him but I do not regret I strongly believe that he will be more happy without me..My close friends told me that after our 1 month of our END he has new girlfriend..However I am happy coz he will be forever in my hear and I will always love him however I really regret that he decided to not be my friend..he wrote me many words which make me cry like that he hates me so much and he wants to destroy me…I ve never wanted to say anthing bad for him because I respect him and I do not regret any second which I spent with him..it is so sad that he decided to end this in this way.. with hate and angry…in my memory he will always be my love Qbus…
My friends Nacho y Barella told me that good people get always bad love…that if good girl love running for a boy he never wants her..the same with boy..IF chico like girl and do everything to win her heart he will never win.. this is life…I agree with this coz last summer MY first love decided to contact with me. decided to do again first step….decided to write me to call me…ask whats up..just like that! My pride was amazing. I was sitting in UK I knew that I feel better after when I knew that he had someone. And he wants me back .I said No NO NO NEVER to HIM..I said NEVER AGAIN..it was just friendship but IS Impossible to forget your first love…mierda….haha..its has been start again..he was calling , writing, chatting…again hours talking about dreams and wishes however in different way coz THIS time was different ..I had my Boyfriend to who I was devoted and Faithful and HE had HIS girlfriend….it was so easy to come back to old good time ..however because of 1000km of distance between us we knew that its impossible to be together in our life That thoughts make us like each other in this new situation coz it is easy to love someone who will never have bad look and will be never argue with you IT IS THE SAME LOVE like love for a SUPER STAR from Poster…we wrote each other emails..no call and no sms coz we didn’t want to make angry or sad our boyfriends/girlfriends…we were enough happy with this situation coz we didn’t do anything bad.. we wanted each other with different imagined love who will never be real…..we love each other with platonic love which was so important for us..
Everyone has problems..He is alone..and nowadays I am alone after finished my relationship and the there is no problem to meet and be together but this new situation make us feel crazy coz we do not want to talk we do not have time for eachother..after 5 years of knowing each other the new situation is bad for us coz we are the same: for us great is ONLY thing which we cant have- that’s why we do not want meeting now coz it is so easy! HOW crazy we are and how surprising life can be…First big love then Qbus-bigger feelings who was perfecto but he finished in way which I had never expected.. So what else will surprise me? on pohoto one of my favourite moments